Thurs, Nov 19

– Declaring my sickness officially cured. Thanks for bearing with me.

Got to work early to write, though I think I’m gonna have to start making it even earlier. The G train sucks always but especially in the mornings, when you sometimes need to wait for a couple trains to come by before you can squeeze on. Some people hurl themselves into the mass of bodies, hoping to make a dent, but I have yet to sink to such depths. By the time I get settled in at my desk I have less than an hour to write, and that doesn’t cut it.

For lunch, I went to this place Shu told me about near my office called Go! Go! Curry. All they sell are fried meats over Japanese curry and rice. I got a pork cutlet. It was awesome.

It was raining hard after work so I skipped the gym, even though I really need to get a run in. This pretty innocuous decision led me down a philosophical rabbit hole about how I make choices, and about how a person might become the best version of himself. My feeling is that total transformation of the self isn’t really possible, at least not in the way that I think a lot of people imagine it happening, when they mentally project a version of themselves that’s different than who they’ve been for their entire lives. We are who we’ve always been. But you can still be the best version of yourself possible, I think.

I came up with a sort of system for it. The basic idea is this: whenever you have to decide something, ask yourself what the best version of you would do. Like, the best version of me would have gone to the gym, even though it was raining. The best version of me probably doesn’t lick caramel off a napkin. It’s not radical, and it may well be stupid, but if it forces me to confront myself when I want to be lazy or insensitive or gluttonous, then that’s progress.

Anyway. I eventually set out with Bethany’s big umbrella in hand to meet Amanda for a drink at Broken Land. It was fun. We told stories. She wanted to go back to her place and put bronzer on me, or contour my face, or both, but it was getting late and she was a little too into the idea so I said maybe another time.



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